Pandorum
  Dennis Quaid, Ben Foster
  3 out of 5 stars
  Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

"Pandorum" is rapidly rolling, dark-toned, often scary sci-fi with a crazy crew, hungry humanoids and nuclear nastiness. It's survival of the fittest - or the fastest.

Astronaut Bower (boring Ben Foster) wakes up from hyper-sleep to find himself alone in deep space with no memory of who he is. As Bower's memory returns, he's joined by a second thawed out astronaut, Payton (Dennis Quaid, playing the film's only multi-dimensional character). The two men try to figure out what happened to the ship's crew and the 60,000 refugees escaping from Earth who were headed to a new home world.

Bower explores the ship as Payton tries to establish contact with the crew from the bridge. Bower encounters a crazed crew member being pursued by flesh-eating homicidal humanoids that move about unopposed at blinding speed. The racing roughnecks track down and tear apart their terrified quarry with merciless glee as Bowers cowers, unable to help.

Bower leads a group of mismatched survivors (is there any other kind?) that battle their ravenous foes while making the perilous journey to the ship's reactor in the hope of resetting it before it explodes.

  The Fourth Kind
  Milla Jovovich, Will Patton, Corey Johnson, Enzo Cilenti, Elias Koteas
  3.5 out of 5 stars
  Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

"The Fourth Kind" is a different kind of E.T. experience. It's been advertised as "containing genuine disturbing documented archival footage" alongside dramatizations of hypnotized patients channeling ancient tongues, a graphic murder/suicide and a possible glimpse of an alien abduction.

The story begins with footage of the "real life" Dr. Abigail Tyler being interviewed by the film's writer and director, Olatunde Osunsanmi. Tyler (a hollow-eyed, skeletal psychologist who bears a striking resemblance to Celine Dion - therefore, she must be from another planet), unspools a tale that begins in Nome, Alaska with her husband's murder and ends with a second, more bizarre family tragedy. Somewhere in mid-sentence the interview dissolves into a scene with Mila Jovovich ("Resident Evil," "The Fifth Element") portraying Tyler.

Tyler flashes back to the time when she began putting her life back together after finding her husband lying next to her one morning stabbed through the chest. Her husband's murder was such a shock to her daughter, (name), that she went blind, and her son, (name), hold's Tyler responsible for his father's death and his sister's psychosomatic condition.

Returning to her practice, Tyler begins treating three paranoid patients. Separately, each patient tells her an identical story... They wake up at 3 a.m., finding themselves being observed by an owl.

  Law Abiding Citizen
  Jaime Foxx
  2 out of 5 stars
  Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

Congratulations, Jaime Foxx, you have surpassed Elias Korteas as the least talented actor of all time. Based on his wake-me-up-when-it's-over performance as prosecutor Nick Rice in "Law Abiding Citizen," Foxx should be arrested for impersonation an actor. The next award he should get should be the first shot at getting fried by Old Sparky when the warden flips the switch.

Lost in Foxx's huff-and-puff performance as Nick Rice is a brilliant turn by Gerald "300 Spartans" Butler, who plays master criminal Clyde Shelton, the law abiding citizen in question. Shelton helplessly watched as his wife and daughter were slaughtered before his eyes by a pair of home invaders, Clarence Darby and Rupert Ames.

In order to send Ames to death row (and to protect his 96% conviction rate), Rice cuts a deal with the very sleazy Clarence Darby (a great boos-hiss turn by Christian Stolte). Darby's lying through his rotten teeth about his role in the murder and Rice is too busy lining up his next case and coddling his viola-playing daughter to notice the wrong guy's going to get a lethal injection. Incensed that Rice would cut a deal with a killer rather risk a trial, Shelton seethes at the prosecutor's betrayal.

Ten years pass and Ames is finally set to be executed, still pointing a wobbly finger at Darby even as he nods off. But the execution goes horribly wrong when Ames dies screaming in agony. Aha... As improbable as it seems, someone spiked Ames' sayonara serum.

Soon after, Darby receives an anonymous phone call telling him the police are coming to question him about Ames' death. Darby escapes with the help of his benefactor, who tells him to carjack a snoozing police officer and take his gun. Darby is caught off guard when the sheepish officer turns out to Shelton. He attempts to shoot Shelton, but when he presses the trigger, he's injected with a toxin that paralyzes him.

Shelton takes Darby to an abandoned warehouse, revealing he intercepted Ames' lethal injection and doctored the contents so Ames would suffer. He plans to make Darby suffer even more.

  District 9
  Sharlto Copley, David James, Jason Cope, Nathalie Boltt,
  4 out of 5 stars
  Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

"District 9" isn't your run of the mill aliens invade earth with bad intent sci-fi thriller. It's in a district all by itself. For one thing it takes place in Johannesburg instead of New York, Los Angeles or some other city that thinks it's the center of the universe. How many sci-fi movies can you name that take place in South Africa? "District 9" also mirrors the nasty, racially-charged undercurrents of Apartheid, with aliens being treated like second class vermin. In most sci-fi films humans are either inferior in strength or intellect, and in other flicks we're just lunch. In "District 9" mankind has the upper hand and we're using it to repeatedly bitch slap a needy species.

The aliens are referred to as "prawns," a disparaging reference to their resemblance to a surf and turf special minus the turf. The shrimp-meets-cockroach aliens have been stranded on earth for the past twenty years, their crippled spaceship hovering silently above Johannesburg. We're told the prawns' sorry situation sprang from a malfunction that damaged their ship's engines, followed by a biological epidemic that killed the intelligent commanding officers, leaving the inferior worker bee subordinates to fend for themselves. Starving, diseased and marooned, the remaining prawns were rescued by humans, who segregated them in a crime-ridden section of Johannesburg, where they were preyed upon by Nigerian gangsters. In order to survive, the prawns now trade the weapons they salvaged from their ship for cat food. (I'm not sure if its shrimp flavored.) The weapons, which are organic, can only be fired by the prawns. Obesandjo, the wheelchair bound leader of the Nigerian gang, is convinced there's a way he can adapt his broken body so he can fire the weapons. Unfortunately for the prawns, Obesandjo believes that the best way to become a prawn is to eat one, so he frequently murders the prawns he deals with in the hope of literally chewing up their technology. And even worse for the prawns - unbeknownst to everyone but a handful of high security honchos, Multinational United (MNU), a government agency, has been experimenting on kidnapped prawns, trying to develop their own method of integrating the alien technology into the human body.

  Paranormal Activity
  Kate Featherston, Micah Sloat
  4 out of 5 stars
  Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

There's plenty of gripping activity - paranormal and otherwise - in this claustrophobic ghost story. "Paranormal Activity" proves you don't need a big budget, endless slasher scenes or mutant mayhem to register high grade chills.

Writer/director Oren Peli's simple script uses fear and the audience's apprehension to create an edge-of-your-seat tension-filled atmosphere that fires up the imagination. There were moments in this iconic Indie production when my heart skipped and I jumped in my seat - and I haven't done that since a dead body popped out of a sunken hull in "Jaws."

"Paranormal Activity" centers around Kate, a college student and her boyfriend, Micah, a day-trader. The only crimp in the San Diego couple's connubial bliss is the spirit that's haunted Kate since her childhood. It's followed her from place to place, and is now making its presence known in the couple's two-story apartment.

Micah buys a video camera in the hope of catching the ghost going bump in the night. At first the camera doesn't register anything more than the couple sleeping peacefully. As the nights pass, lights click on and off by themselves, objects appear to move on their own, raspy voices whisper and shapeless shadows silently stalk across the room. The ghost's actions escalate, prompting Kate to contact a psychic who immediately feels the spirit's "negative energy" and urges the couple to seek help from a higher authority (not God, a more qualified psychic). The psychic also warns the couple not to try and communicate with the spirit. To Micah, the warning is like telling a precocious child not to stick a wet finger into a light socket. Against Kate's vehement protests, Micah gets a Ouija Board, challenging the ghost to talk to him. That night the camera records the Ouija Board going up in flames. Challenge answered - and the ghost is now very, very angry...

  Star Trek
  Chris Pine, Zackary Qunito
  4 out of 5 stars
  Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

Star Trek is a science fiction dynasty. Even though it aired on TV in the late 60s, there's a legion of fans that can quote you entire passages from episode six, season one. They're called Trekkies (or is it Trekkors?) and they made so much noise after the TV series was cancelled prematurely in 1969 that their cards, letters and conventions finally prompted Universal Studios to bring back the cast for a big screen adventure in 1979's "Star Trek: The Motion Picture." Trek revisited was an extravagant bore, but was enough of a financial success to warrant a second classic film, "The Wrath of Khan," which featured Corinthian leather King/Fantasy Island father figure Ricardo Montalban chewing up the scenery alongside a very hammy William Shatner. Unfortunately, the cast got too old to pretend to be thirty something's gallivanting around the universe, and sadly, two members of the crew, DeForrest Kelly (Dr. McCoy) and James Doohan (Scotty) have been beamed up to that great transporter room in the sky.

The franchise was revived when "The Next Generation" crew hit the screen, but age and lukewarm plots caught up to Patrick Stewart's bunch as well. As the new millennium dawned, what Star Trek needed was new blood - an entirely new cast of young guns that could bring the next generation of movie goers back into the theaters.

  Public Enemies
  Johnny Depp
  4 out of 5 stars
  Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

A good gangster film like "Bonnie and Clyde" or "The St. Valentine's Day Massacre" will take grim moments in criminal history and turn them into romantic folklore. Great gangster movies like "The Godfather" or "Goodfellas" make you feel like you're part of the action - and will leave you quoting the character's signature lines.

With that in mind, "Public Enemies" is a very good gangster/bank robber movie; there aren't any iconic lines, but the action is fast and dangerous. "Public Enemies" is a realistic recreation of the Depression era, a time when working stiffs betrayed by failed banks looked up to the criminals that pilfered those same lending institutions.

  Drag Me to Hell
  Alison Lohman, Justin Long, Ruth Livier, Lorna Raver
  3.5 out of 5 stars
  Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

What the hell? A funny horror movie? "Drag Me to Hell" is an inventive, entertaining horror flick pulled from the twisted imagination of Sam Riami. Raimi gave us the very visceral "Evil Dead" series and "Army of Darkness," a hilarious howler in which hardware store hero Bruce Campbell gets teleported back to the 14th century and winds up battling skeletons with a chain saw attached to his arm. "Darkness" was rife with blood and guts, but was balanced by witty one-liners and gut-busting visuals. (Campbell's Three Stooges inspired eye-poking scene with a bunch of skeletal appendages will tickle your funny bone.)

Riami's latest, "Drag Me to Hell" isn't your typical slasher, mangled mutant or poltergeist blood bath. Riami deftly employs tension, surprise and slapstick to create some must see madness.
 
Christine Brown's future looks heavenly - she's up for a promotion at the bank and has an ideal relationship with her boyfriend, Clay Dalton (pretty All American boy Justin Long). It all goes to hell in one afternoon. Her chief competition for the assistant manager job, sleazy, posterior-kissing Stu Rubin (weasely Reggie Lee), is making progress buttering up their bottom line boss, Mr. Jacks (uptight David Paymer). Mr. Jacks tells Chris (squeaky clean Alison Lohman) she might have a better chance at getting the job if she can show him she can make the tough decisions. In walks Mrs. Ganush (a rave perf by Lorna Raver), an old, sickly gypsy with a milky blind eye and rotting finger nails (which figure heavily in helping to establish tension in the plot). Mrs. Ganush asks Chris for a third extension on her mortgage. Seizing the moment, Chris turns Mrs. Ganush down. Mrs. Ganush prostrates herself in front of Chris, begging her to reconsider. Surprised and befuddled by Mrs. Ganush clawing at her, Chris panics. Mrs. Ganush takes Chris' reaction as an insult. As the security guards haul her away, she screams she'll get her revenge against Chris for shaming her in public.

After work, Chris notices Mrs. Ganush's beat up Chevy in the parking lot and hears the old woman's phlegmy death rattle. When Chris gets in her car, she's attacked by Mrs. Ganush, who tries to sink her stained dentures in her face. During their struggle, Mrs. Ganush tears a button from Chris' jacket, using it to put a curse on her. Soon after, things really begin to go to hell for Chris. An unseen demon tosses her around her apartment, and she dreams that Mrs. Ganush attacks her in bed. Seeking relief and forgiveness, Chris goes to Mrs.Ganush's soon to be foreclosed home, and literally stumbles into the midst of the old woman's wake, knocking her body out of its coffin. (A sure bet she'll have trouble getting that forgiveness she's seeking!)

  Shrink
  Kevin Spacey, Robin Williams, Saffron Barrows
  2 out of 5 stars
  Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

In "Shrink" the doctor is out - and he's usually out cold. "Shrink" is a satiric drama that begs the question, "Where does the psychiatrist to the stars turn to when he realizes his life is more screwed up than his patients?" The answer is he seeks solace in massive doses of mind-massaging marijuana. Attempting - and succeeding in numbing the recent loss of his wife in a car accident, Henry Carter (a spaced out Kevin Spacey) has become prodigious at the art of puffing down, guzzling down, and then falling down.

Henry Carter is a best-selling psychiatrist with an A-list of loonies, including Kate Amberson (a transparent Saffron Barrows), a comely actress saddled with an obnoxious, philandering rocker spouse, and Jack Holden (an uncredited Robin Williams, oozing uneasy sleaze), a barely functioning alcoholic actor past his prime who's clinging to his image as a legendary lothario. Other pitiful personalities in Henry's personal circle of hell waft in and out of his life like the pungent clouds he produces with his spliffs, such as Seamus, a dead set on overdosing actor (Brit bad boy Jack Huston), Henry's well stocked and stoned supplier Jesus (Jesse Plemos, sporting a crew cut and looking all of twelve), and Jeremy, a shy doorman/aspiring writer (wearisome Mark Webber). Seeking to save his sanity and his soul, Henry agrees to counsel Jenna (miscast Keke Palmer), a troubled teen unable to deal with her mother's suicide. Jenna would rather spend her afternoons in the make believe atmosphere of a movie theater than in the harsh reality of high school. Naturally, Henry and Jenna's relationship begins brusquely; he's shocked that such a vibrant, brilliant young girl would withdraw from the world so easily, and she's appalled by his indiscriminant drug abuse. A bond forms between them as they analyze each other's lifestyles:

Jenna: Are you high?
Henry: No, its walrus tusk from Little Antarctica...Strictly medicinal.

Henry gets Jenna to come to grips with her mother's desertion, and their co-dependent relationship forces Henry to admit the truth behind his wife's death -- and to own up to the role he played in her demise.

Jeremy's career is catatonic; he doesn't just have writer's block, he's got writer's wall. His creativity rebounds when he strikes up a relationship with Jenna, whose shaky psyche becomes fodder for his new screen play. Jeremy takes his script to Patrick (Dallas Roberts, as enjoyable as root canal without anesthesia), an obnoxious, obsessive talent agent who refuses to read it on principal alone. In his attempt to get Patrick's attention, Jeremy strikes up a romantic relationship with Daisy (a pell-mell performance by Pell James), Patrick's very pregnant secretary, who champions his work.

  The Proposal
  Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds
  3 out of 5 stars
  Reviewed for Coffeerooms by Mike Jefferson

I think Sandra Bullock is a funny comedienne with an innocent girl next door appeal. Occasionally, such as when she played a spoiled yuppie racist in "Crash", she can be a dramatic worth reckoning with. Bullock's most consistent box office successes have come when she played lovelorn losers or ultra successful business women who've forgotten what love is. (In "The Proposal", she plays the later.) I watch "While You Were Sleeping" whenever it's on. No matter how many times I see it, I still get the urge to reach into the T.V. and give Sandy's character, Lucy, a big hug. Aside from "Sleepless", Sandy's been awkwardly loveless in "Two Weeks Notice" (aha, another character named Lucy), and the two "Miss Congeniality" flicks -- and that's just off of the top of my head. So when I rented "The Proposal", in which Sandy plays a snippy editor-in-chief of a publishing house, I wondered if she could successfully go to the well one more time. Well, the bucket is at least ¾ full, and that's not bad.

Margaret Tate (beautiful Bullock) is so feared by her staff that when she enters the room her beleaguered assistant Andrew Paxton (rascally Ryan Reynolds) sends out an office E-mail that reads "It's here." Margaret's take no prisoners management style hasn't made her any friends, which is too bad because she could certainly use one when she finds out that unless she can find a way to become a U.S. citizen within three days she's in line to be deported back to her native Canada. In a desperate attempt to keep her job and gain citizenship, Margaret announces that she and Andrew are going to be married. Here comes the bribe... In exchange for his name, Margaret agrees to promote Andrew to editor. Immigration investigator Mr. Gilbertson (frequent "Law and Order" guest star, Dennis O'Hare) is suspicious, but allows the couple a weekend getaway to Alaska so Andrew can break the news to his parents and celebrate his grandmother's 90th birthday. The tables are turned on control freak Margaret when they arrive in Andrew's hometown of Sitka. Nearly every storefront in town bears the Paxton name, and his ultra rich family lives in a mansion on the waterfront. (No pigs in a blanket wedding hors d'oeuvres for these well-healed walrus watchers.) Margaret's determination to get to the altar begins to waver as she reluctantly gets to know Andrew's quirky family. Margaret and Andrew's Nanook nuptials might also be nullified if Andrew rekindles his romance with his childhood sweetheart, or if they can't stop bickering long enough to say "I do" and fool Gilbertson. 

While you're not likely to find yourself quoting lines from "The Proposal" or even going back for seconds, there are several silly scenes, including Margaret trying to keep the family's adopted dog from being kidnapped by an eagle, and her hip hop homage dance in honor of Mother Nature with Gammy Annie (bubbly Betty White). And watching Margaret's iron maiden manner melt in the Alaskan environment is one of the film's more heartwarming subplots.